Thoughts

Hello,

I think im becoming paranoid. I get like this only when I over hear stuff and it slightly, well a tad more than slightly, more like terribly, worries me. It seems like everytime I get so close to having something good in my life, that door just slams right in my face. It seems like I have a ninety nine percent chance of failing and only 1 percent chance of suceeding. I really don't like those odds. Just once id like to have something good happen. This week would be nice. Really Nice. Because if it doesn't, im going to cry. I hate this. I wish I didn't have stupid emotions, like love, (Im still not sure what that is, I only know it by its dictionary definition.) I wish I could just be happy, sad, angry, and suprised. Thats it. Nothing else. Love causes too much stress, just like frustration. Well, actually, I think love LEADS to frustration. Im too picky and ill probably never be satisfied. I just...blehh. Thats all I can say. I want one person to just show me that im not going to get thrown off the edge like every time before. Because a person can only get thrown off so many times without breaking. And at the moment, I'm pretty damned fractured. Mend my heart and tell me its going to be okay. Don't ditch me like everyone else. Don't make my life awkward, be my best friend. Show me that, and maybe someday I'll be okay. My heart needs time to fix itself and be able to be okay again. Laughter is only a temporary solution. I need something permanent. I need that friend, to lean on their shoulder and have random late night conversations about nothing and everything. Why does this world have to make that so damned complicated. I see it clearly, why can't everyone else? Because this world is filled with people who don't know what to think so we are so afraid to say what we feel. I used to be one of those people. Then I got my heart fractured one too many times. Now, im just done. Done caring if people think I'm weird or strange or just plain awkward. I'm done falling for people who leave you in the end. Not even the end, actually its pretty darned close to the start. Won't someone lead me away from this darkness. Take me to the light and give me a heavy dose of sunshine.

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Sorry No Love, its a pretty sad post, and im just not feeling the "love" today.
You guys are still the best.

xoxo
-g